Back to December
by tivaluver0183
Summary: Tiva! A song fic with Taylor Swift's Back to December! Rated T to be safe.  Ziva's POV. My first fanfic. Spoliers for Semper Fidelis to Reunion.


_I'm so glad you made time to see me, how's life? Tell me how's your family? I haven't seen them in a while._

On that flight home from Somalia, all I wanted to do was hug him. I was so shocked, yet so happy that he, McGee, and Gibbs came and rescued me from that hell on earth. But I also wanted to know how they were. What had I missed? How was Abby? How were Ducky and Palmer? I wanted, correction, needed, to know.

_You've been good, Busier than ever. We small talk, work and the weather. Your guard is up I know why._

When I finally talk to him, it's all small talk. He says he's been good. They have been busier than ever. He told me about some little cases and tried to crack a few jokes. His guard was up, though. But I knew why.

_Because the last time we talked is still burned in the back of your mind. You gave me roses, and I left them there to die._

The last time I talked to him had been in Israel, after Michael died. I accused him of killing Michael without a motive. He had brought me roses and tried to apologize for my loss, but I had ignored him and threw the roses out the window in anger.

_This is me swallowing my pride, standing in front of you saying I'm sorry for that night. And I go back to December all the time. Turns out freedom ain't nothing but missing you, wishing I realized what I had when you were mine. And I go back to December turn around and make it all right. I go back to December all the time._

I remember going into the men's room that afternoon. I remember the conversation well. I was truly sorry for doubting him. I was sorry for that night. I should have never trusted Michael. I remember in Israel and in Somalia, everyday wishing I had him back. Back as my partner. Back as my friend.

_These days I haven't been sleeping, staying up playing back myself leaving. When your birthday passed and I didn't call._

I hadn't been sleeping much then. All I could do was stay up and play back myself leaving NCIS. His birthday came and went. I didn't forget. I just never called. I should have but I didn't. I reached for the phone and dialed his number, but I wound up hanging up before the first ringtone.

_And I think about summer, all those beautiful times. I watched you laughing from the passenger side. I realized I loved you in the fall._

I remember those summers I spent with him. When we would be in the charger, usually on our way to a suspect's house, just joking and laughing. During my time in Somalia is when I realized I loved him.

_Then the cold came, the dark days when fear crept into my mind. You gave me all your love and all I gave you was goodbye._

Then the dark days came, when I thought I was going to die. I was so afraid of losing you. I wanted to see your face again, just once, before I died. I had some time to think about things in Somalia. That is when I had realized you had killed Michael out of love. You had tried to protect me and all I gave you was a goodbye.

_This is me swallowing my pride, standing in front of you saying I'm sorry for that night. And I go back to December all the time. Turns out freedom ain't nothing but missing you, wishing I realized what I had when you were mine. And I go back to December turn around and change my own mind. I go back to December all the time._

I remember going into the men's room that afternoon. I remember the conversation well. I was truly sorry for doubting him. I was sorry for that night. I should have never trusted Michael. I remember in Israel and in Somalia, everyday wishing I had him back. Back as my partner. Back as my friend.

_I miss you tan skin, your sweet smile. So good to me, so right. And how you held me in your arms that September night, the first time you ever saw me cry._

I missed his tan skin, His sweet, 1,000 watt smile. He was so good to me. We were so right. He tried to hold me in his arms that night; I was so angry and upset I wouldn't let him. I didn't realize then but that was the first time he ever saw me cry.

_Maybe this is just wishful thinking, probably just mindless dreaming. But if we ever loved again I swear I'd love you right. I'd go back and time and change it, but I can't. So if the chain is on your door, I understand._

This was probably just my wishful thinking, but after we talked in the bathroom, I told him if we were ever close again I swear that I'd treat him right. That I'd go back in time and change it, but I can't. So if he doesn't want me anymore, I understand.

_This is me swallowing my pride, standing in front of you saying I'm sorry for that night. And I go back to December all the time. Turns out freedom ain't nothing but missing you, wishing I realized what I had when you were mine. And I go back to December turn around and make it all right. I go back to December turn around and change my own mind. I go back to December all the time._

After I told him that I understand if he didn't want me anymore, he looked at me with mixed emotions. He told me that the whole time I was gone, he did nothing but miss me and wish he could go back and change that night. He said he would take me back too. As his partner. As his friend. "I love you, Tony." I whispered, as a tear rolled down my cheek. He wrapped me in his arms and told me that he would always take me back. He buried his face into my hair and whispered "I love you too, Zee."


End file.
